To Let Go Means to Grow
Have you ever waited way too long to let go of something—be it a favorite outfit that’s worn out, a job, or even a spouse?
I’m guessing the answer is yes, and that you’re all too familiar with agony of knowing it’s time to unclench your figurative fist and let that thing go….but not wanting to because you loved it so much at one time.
You put a lot into that thing. Money, Time, Energy, Love.
If you let it go, does that mean all of that was wasted? What if you can’t find something equally wonderful to replace it? Isn’t it better to hold onto something, even that’s no longer a fit, than to have nothing at all?
We all get caught up in that sort of internal dialogue. And guess what? Those sorts of internal questions are the voice of fear. They are coming from a part of your brain that is fear-based and hell bent on keeping you comfortable and safe.
When you give that voice your attention, it will just get louder. And you will find yourself more and more stagnant in your life.
That voice is your biggest obstacle to getting what you want in life. To fulfilling big goals and dreams.
The more you hold on to stale things—physical items. relationships, thoughts, identities—the harder it is to even get started on reinventing yourself!
Believe me, I know of which I speak!
There have been many times when I have clung and clung and clung—especially to old outdated roles and identities. Because the alternative was a big scary void. If I am not going to be that person anymore, then exactly who will I be?
And, of course there’s the rub. We have to be willing to step into the unknown to grow our dreams.
Letting Go of Holistic Hot Sauce
All of this is up for me right now, because today I officially launch a new rebranded website and online persona. You are reading this on sarahgracecoach.com, my new online hangout.
This has been a long time coming. Six years ago—before divorce, before life coach training, before a series of big moves and life events that have transformed and opened me—I created and opened the virtual doors to my former website, Holistic Hot Sauce (link may no longer work if you are reading this long after it is published).
Holistic Hot Sauce was my beautiful brain child. It was the culmination of years of experience and creative exploration. I created that website from scratch, spending literally hundreds if not thousands of hours learning how to do it all and fine-tuning it.
I did take a course on building a website, and did a trade with an aspiring graphic designer for my logo, but it was pretty much built with my own virtual hands.
Holistic Hot Sauce was my baby. Not my first business baby, but I felt (and still to some degree feel) VERY wrapped up in that identity.
People LOVED the branding and the message. You, yourself, might be a client or reader who is scratching your head wondering, why on the Goddess’s green earth would I have given it up?
It was cute. It was sassy. It was FUN. And Fun is one of my top values.
But… it no longer represented who I am. I felt incongruent, wonky, out of alignment every time I handed out a business card or directed someone to the site.
Even though here at sarahgracecoach.com, I am still sharing a similar message. I am still on a mission to unleash the radiant power of women at midlife and beyond…. I’m going about it a little differently that I was six years ago.
Honestly, those six years feel like a lifetime in some ways!
My life has changed profoundly, both on the inside and the outside.
Six years of a regular meditation practice, six years of intense self-reflection, six years of questioning my thoughts. And six years of huge life shakeups, both wonderful and scary.
A change to my online persona has been way overdue…. But oh, did I resist it!
How to Take That Leap
So, back to the topic of managing that fear when you know way down deep in the bottom of your heart that it’s time to let go.
That fear can show up in so many ways. It can seem like it’s around the logistics of making the change. The time, energy, and financial commitment it might take. Those three things can seem like they’re in short supply for most of us!
About two years ago, during a business course, I began to realize that my website needed a serious revamp. There it was—the first nudging from intuition. But, at that time, I succumbed to those stories in my head and decided it was too much. I would change some copy at Holistic Hot Sauce and try to shape that website around my new vision.
I mean, it was alright… but I was just prolonging the inevitable. And, although I thought that it was a decision that would make life easier, and keep me more comfortable—really it was causing a different sort of discomfort. A more insidious sort.
It’s the low-grade discomfort of just knowing that something is OFF, and that you are hiding from something you need to do.
It just seemed so huge and overwhelming to create a whole new website. So much to be sorted out, thought through. So, I waited. And waited. And waited. And with each passing month I felt more incongruent and out of whack with my business.
And so, finally, I faced the fear and overwhelm head on. I dissected the obstacles,
If resistance and fear is showing up for you around something you know needs to change in your life, try these steps:
1. Allow the Fear to be Felt
Get still, drop into your body, and feel into what is wanting to be felt. Your brain will have all sorts of things to say about it. Let all those questions, thoughts, and the chatter go (for the moment), and feel into the fear. Surrender to it. Know that it will pass in a matter of minutes. Be willing to repeat this step several times as you move forward.
Magic happens with this! We can spend years putting up with dull discomfort in an attempt to not have to feel something. And then it turns out that feeling didn’t kill us after all
2. Break down the steps
This is where your brain gets to have a hey day. Get out a pen and paper, or open up a document on your computer, and in a free form way list out all the things you have do or that have to happen in order for you to let go of this thing. List out all the fears. If necessary take breaks as you go to repeat Step #1 and drop into your body and be with the fear again.
Getting it all out on paper encourages your brain to begin to seek solutions for what was seemingly unsolvable.
3. Set an Intention
Get clear about what you want. Whether it’s simply letting go of the old, or (better) if it’s about who or what you want to become once you have done so. Write your Intention down and revisit it often. State it out loud. Make it a mantra.
4. Give yourself a deadline.
Figure out a date (realistic, but not too far in the future) when you will have achieved this change. I hate this part. I like flexibility, I don’t want to be tied down. But, even if you don’t stick with it a deadline gives you that mental kick in the pants and begins to prime you psychologically for the change.
Write the deadline down, and, yes, revisit it often. Put it in your calendar. Adjust as needed, because… life happens!
5, Acknowledge and Celebrate Successes
If your Intention consists of many steps, give yourself some love every time you complete one. If you just need to say goodbye to something, when you finally do it, don’t just move on. Pause and celebrate the courage it took to do it. Acknowledge your own growth.
These are just a few simple tips to get things moving if you’re feeling stuck and attached to the old. If you are protesting that this is too simplistic for big hairy, scary things—well, you may be right. Maybe just try step one for now. Anything to get the ball rolling in a different direction.
Even the tiniest of baby steps can make a difference!
And, if you feel like you just can’t tackle it alone, I’m here for you! Handling resistance and life reinvention is my specialty (because I’ve been there!) My favorite tool for managing this sort of fear and resistance is EFT Tapping.
I’m happy to have a chat with you at no charge. Here’s where you can find out more.
If you’re reading this during the week of June 18, 2018, you could win three free coaching sessions or an Amazon Gift Card! Just sign up for email updates below, and/or leave a comment and I’ll enter you in the drawing to win!